The One Who's Worthy

This morning was my first corporate worship setting since I’ve been back home and I completely lost it. I absolutely could not contain myself. 

Tears.. 

and tears.. 

and more tears kept uncontrollably pouring down my face.

One of the first songs we sang had the lyrics, “There will be no One like You, and no One besides You.. You alone are worthy of all praise.” The only thing I could think about was a particular little girl that caught my eye a few weeks ago at a Buddhist temple in the mountains of northwestern Thailand..

A cute little girl, she was. She couldn’t have been more than six or seven years old. Her mom gave her the flower and a sheet of paper with the prayer she needed to recite. The mother took the little girl’s hand and led her to the part of the temple they were supposed to walk around three times that would magically wipe away all of her faults and sins. She didn’t want to do it and even resisted participating in this routine act, but her mother leaned down and said something to her in Thai, I would imagine probably along the lines of “we just have to do this real quick and then we can leave.” Sure enough, they did their worship-routine and were on their way…

I don’t have to worship. 

No one is forcing me. 

My Father’s love for me does not depend on 

how many times I come to the “holy place” 

to worship Him; that won’t make Him love me 

any more or any less. 

But out of love and thanksgiving, I want to worship my God. 

After all that God has brought me through and everything He has saved me from, I can’t think of anything I want to do more than worship the One who’s worthy of it all.

While at the temple, we asked one of the monks about the rituals and routines that were taking place at this particular temple. To be honest with you, all these people looked like robots.. Just going through the motions. After the monk told us everything that the people had to do to worship Buddha and to be cleansed, we asked him a question. “So do you ever feel any different after doing all of that?” And I will never forget his answer… He looked down and replied, “No.”

That moment was a point in my life that marked my heart and ruined me a little more for the Gospel than I thought possible.

I worship a God that I delight in bringing praise… 

A God of love and grace… 

Of mercy and goodness… 

Every time I worship my God something inside of me burns and every time I worship my Savior I can’t help but fall more in love with Him. I can tangibly feel His love when I’m in His presence and there’s seriously no other place I would rather be. Sometimes I don’t have to say anything when I spend time with my God and even without any words He knows the way to my heart because He made me with a hole inside that only He can fill… 

My God knows me.

People have asked me why I spend all of my school breaks going on mission trips. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Why don’t you just stay home and rest? You have the rest of your life to go..”

I go because of that little girl. 

She needs me now, not in a few years. 

Now. 

Every person I saw laying those incense down before Buddha need the Truth. 

They need hope. 

They need unconditional love. 

They need grace.. 

They need the Gospel. 

And I’m not going to wait until I’m finished with school to do something for God…

Vestige.

July 12th, 2010.
9:26 pm.
Dallas, Texas.

A MOMENT.
Period of time.
Brief.
Exact.
 

That was the moment I knew my life was ruined for the Gospel.
That was the moment I knew that I was created for another world.
That was the moment when my life was no longer about me.
And THAT was the moment I realized that I am a vestige.
 

ves·tige [ves-tij]
noun

1. a mark, trace, or visible evidence of something that is no longer physically present
2. a surviving evidence or remainder of some condition, practice, etc.
3. a trace of something that has come before.
4. indication of something with great value.
5. a footprint; track

My heart has been marked by the Blood of the Lamb.
My authority in Him has been traced on Earth as it is in Heaven.
My freedom is an indication that there is power in the name of Jesus.
My life is visible evidence that there is a Love greater than life itself.

-kjf.

Loi Kroh Road.

God,


It's hard.
It's hard to see You here on Loi Kroh Road. 
It's hard to see You in the midst off all this darkness, shame, and perversion.
It's hard to look at a white male walking the street and not assume that he's glorifying the enemy.
It's hard to see Your daughters act so promiscuous.
It's hard to see Your sons that You created in Your image now living as ladyboys.
It's hard to see this beautiful land You created when there's so much filth here.
It's hard to see that THIS is what the porn industry looks like walking down the street..
It's hard to see that THIS is what Americans are supporting when their eyes are glued to a computer/television screen late at night.
It's hard to watch Your children being so taken advantage of.
It's hard to watch the policemen not take the authority that they should.
It's hard to see the desperation for something better in the bar girls' eyes...
And it's even harder to see it in the men.


It's hard to see the families on vacation here, and see all that they are exposing their children to.
It's hard to see the father/husband of those families lusting after the prostitutes.
It's hard to see the shame in some of the girls' eyes after they return from an appointment with a client.
It's hard to see how accepted this industry is here.. how normal.
It's hard to hear the girls say they have no other option to make money.
It's hard to see the girls disappointment when their white "boyfriend" doesn't show up.. a man that more than likely has a wife and kids back at home.
It's hard to see the kids from the slums selling flowers out here at night with a chance of being beaten if they don't sell enough.
It's hard to see the women from the slums begging to selling bracelets, just so they can feed their children.
It's hard to see the same familiar faces night after night realizing that THIS is "the swing of things" for so many of them.


It's hard to see the men that come as regulars.
It's really hard to see so many college students out here.
It's hard to see the girls sell themselves for as little as 200 baht ($6 USD).
It's hard to see the men enjoying these girls' misery..
But it's even harder to realize that the men are miserable too.
It's hard to see the girls drink so much, just so the alcohol will numb what they have to experience throughout the night.
It's hard to see the girls put a price on their worth.

It's hard to see and grasp that this is a lifestyle here.

It's hard to see how uncomfortable the girls get when a sweaty old man feels them up.

It's hard to see hope in such a hopeless place...


But God, You're here. And these people are Your creations.
And if I have to fight the enemy for the rest of my life for Your authority to reign over this place once again, I'll fight for You.
Because he has NO place in Your Kingdom.


I'm okay with being a prime target for lucifer himself..
.. if that's what it takes to see Heaven come down on Loi Kroh Road..

Home.

Some people define home as a place, and for me, I defined my home in the people I love for years. I have a home in southeast Texas where I was raised, met Jesus and have an awesome church community, and where my precious family resides. I have a home in Dallas where I have a new "family" that I adore. I have a home in Aggieland with all of the lives I invested in while I was there. I have a home here in Thailand that my tongue cannot express how much I love.

So if home is where the heart is, then my home is all scattered..

But home should be a place of unconditional love and of no shame. Home is a place of comfort and of everlasting hope.. And I don't find that all the time in these places. And if I place my hope of what a "home" should be in these places, I am going to be let down and disappointed at some point..

One of the definitions of "home" is a destination or a goal. And that's what it should be for us as believers.

The truth is, we will never be fulfilled here on Earth. People can't satisfy and are not reliable. Faces come and go. Places are not eternal: disasters happen, people change, culture turns, and politics will always be an issue in most places. The closest place we get to home here on this Earth is in the presence of God. For our time here, a taste of God is just a glimpse of what having a home really is.

Because our home is in Heaven. It's our safe place. It's our final destination. Heaven is the place where something is native and common to us. It's where we finally meet our true Lover and our hearts will finally be full. It's where we will never feel discomfort. No sickness, no darkness, no disease, and no shame are found in our home in Heaven.


I might not have a home he in this world, but the journey getting there has been great and I look forward to more of the adventure, but my hope is not places in those experiences. When I feel empty, alone, or even homeless, I have to keep in mind: emptiness in this life is only a reminder that I was made for another world.



-kf

Thailand 2011 Round 2!

Sa-Wad-Dee-Kah!!

That is officially how I will be saying hello for the next couple week! We board a plane early tomorrow morning heading for Seoul, South Korea and then we will be on our way to Chiangmai, Thailand!

As you might know, I spent part of the summer in Chiangmai working with beautiful Thai women and children that are wrapped up in the human trafficking industry, either working as a sex slave or at risk of being sold. While we were there, God incredibly blessed our team by using us a vessel to get two awesome ladies out of the bar and into the ministry that we were working with. One of the girls, I personally formed a close relationship with. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go back to Chiangmai now to meet up again with Lighthouse ministry (lighthousethai.com) to not only work more with human trafficking victims in Southeast Asia, but to see the two beautiful girls who are now set free, from prostitution to praising the Lord!

I would love for you to be a part of this journey! I will be updating this blog as much as possible. Also, I will be updating Facebook (Kayla Ferguson) or you can email stoptrafficthailand@gmail.com to be added to an updates list. Another way to keep up with us is through Twitter, by following @stoptrafficthai.

One of the biggest way we need your help is by your prayers. I have come up with some prayer request that are some specifics that we as a team would love to be covered in, butyour prayers in general would be so awesome.

Please be praying for:

-- Stop Traffic team. Members include: April Welch, Grace Johnston, Jesse Fagan, Alan Pate, and myself. For health, wisdom, protection, guidance, unity, and favor while we are in ministry time.

-- Our team leaders: April Welch and myself. That we would be intune with the Lord, and overflowing so that we can pour out to the team, for rest, and for wisdom when making team decisions and making the calls.

-- Pray for the girls that we will be meeting in the bars at night. For divine appointments with girls and ladyboys that the Lord has already begun to work on and has softened their hearts.

-- Pray for the children that we will be working with that are at risk of being sold. That the Lord would bless their parents by needing their needs so they would not have to sell their child. And that God would provide safe homes for the children if no other option.

-- Pray for the men that we will see that are buying the girls in the bar. For our hearts to be loving towards them, and not angry and bitter. And that God would start convicting them of their sin and bringing it into light.

-- Pray for the pimps that own the girls as well. That God would heal them too and get them out of the industry, because most of them were sucked in as well.

-- Pray against all idols. We will be working in a Buddhist country, and idol worshipping is a thick spirit that needs to be broken.

-- Pray for open doors. That God will lead us to good opportunities to share our faith, and that receivers will be open to the good news of the Gospel.

-- Pray for boldness for our team, but the ministry as a whole as well. This is a dark ministry, so pray that we won't be discouraged.

-- Most important, pray for unconditional love. That we would not walk in judgment or ignorance, but that the love of God can be poured out of us so thick that everyone we come in contact with will feel it.

Thank you so much for your support. I will be updating you as soon as I can!

Much love,

Kayla.

You Still Saving People?

Today someone approached me at church and said, 

“Hey girl! You still saving people?” 

Before even thinking, my response was,

“Of course, why else would I be living?”…

BAM.

Taught myself with my own words. Because so many of the times I’m not out winning the lost… I’m:

• Hanging with friends
• Playing sports
• Watching sports
• Watching One Tree Hill, The Office, ect..
• In class or at work
• Reading a book
• Planning a mission trip
• Talking to other believers about Jesus and all that the Lord is doing in our lives…

I said it. 

Yeah, I'll admit.. some of the things are total distractions and I’m guilty of them taking up more of my time than they should.. But some of those things are great. By all means, there is nothing wrong with having good fellowship with believers—I recommend it be a part of your life. But it would be a shame to waste life in a Christian bubble of believers if you aren’t pouring out into the world as well.

If we call ourselves Christians but don’t practice the great commission, then what are we doing?

"Go and make disciples of ALL nations…"

-Matthew 28:19

All nations. Is America a nation? Yes. So many times when we see this verse we think about mission trips and going overseas and doing outreaches AND THAT'S WONDERFUL.. But what do you do between all of the trips and outreaches and "ministry time"? What about your neighbors? Or the "bad part of town"? The Bible wasn't written in America, nor was Jesus an American--hate to break it to you. America is overseas.. On Saturday nights we have every opportunity in the world to go out on the streets and talk to a homeless man about Jesus, but too often we find ourselves going to the movies..

We have to be in constant balance of being filled and pouring out.. because if we, as born-again believers, aren’t all about grabbing people out of the pit of hell, then who is? 

Why else would I be living..?

-kf.

Btw, fixed the comments, so they're now open to public. How to leave one? Good question. Just click on the "comment" link, share your opinions, and then if you don't have a Google account, you can leave it under "Name/Url". ;)

God Winks: Mae's Story (Part 10)

I would like to share with you a teammate's multiple-part blog about part of what God is doing here in Thailand. For more of her blogs, check out emilytuttle.theworldrace.org.


Sometimes life on the World Race is messy (for more on this see my previous blog). Sometimes things don't make sense, we can't see how the work that we're doing is helping anyone, and we just have to believe that we are planting seeds that someone else will water and see the fruit of. We often get frustrated that we can't see the bigger purpose behind the ministry we're doing. We fail to see the big chain that we're only a small link in. But sometimes all the links fall into place. Occasionally all the loose threads get tied up into a nice bow, and we get to see how God's will was at work all along. Whenever God lets us be part of these moments of clarity, and we get to see into his mind for a second, we call it a "God wink." One of my teammates told us about a book she read that described a crowded holiday dinner table. The narrator felt alone in the crowd until her mother looked down the table, past all the talking people, and winked at her. She felt loved and valued, and likened this to the way that God sometimes winks at us to remind us that He loves us, that he remembers that we're here, and that he has a plan for our lives. This month was one giant God wink, so I want to tell you about all the "coincidences" that led to the final result of our team getting to be on the front lines of helping two girls find freedom.

• Over the past few months I have come to love Isaiah 61. It is a chapter about being called and anointed to help people heal, to release them from darkness, and to set them free. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do with my life, but I know that no matter where I go I want to help people feel loved and find freedom. Our Real Life participant, Kayla, who joined our team for this month, also loves this chapter. Her blog is even titled "Beauty for ashes," which is taken from Isaiah 61. We found out that Isaiah 61:1 is also the theme verse for Lighthouse in Action. This month we literally got to live out this verse, and it was incredible.
• When Mae was lost and could not find WonGen Cafe, she asked people on the street where it was. No one knew, and she was about to give up. Finally, she asked one more person and they pulled a small flyer for WonGen out of their bag. It was a flyer that my other teammates had given that person because while I was sitting at the cafe praying that Mae would find it, they were across the street at the university handing out advertisement flyers for WonGen. Out of the 35,000 students at Chiang Mai University, Mae asked one of the couple hundred who my teammates had talked to, and she was directed to the place where she could find freedom.
• Originally, Kayla was upset because she could not communicate with Ning because Ning only spoke Burmese and our translator spoke English and Thai. Kayla was unable to use words to help Ning, but had to rely instead on showing her love through her actions. In the end, Burmese is what allowed Mae and Ning to plan their exit from the bar in the bar, only a few feet away from the madam who only spoke English and Thai. Because Kayla was faithful to keep loving Ning in spite of a seemingly impossible language barrier, she was able to see that it was all part of God's plan for Ning.
• Once we realized that the girls were going to need to acquire legal papers to live and work in Thailand, Emmi asked us to pray that she could learn how that process worked quickly. She had never legalized a girl before, and did not know what steps to take. As a team we prayed that literally out of nowhere someone would show up to help her. The next morning she was sitting in WonGen and a man she did not know walked in. He was new to Chiang Mai, and was looking for a place to stay. Someone had told him that Emmi might be able to help him, so he came to WonGen. As they talked she learned that he was a Shan man from the ethnic group in Burma, and he had become legal in Thailand recently. She got excited and asked him if he could explain the process to her. He literally wrote her out a step-by-step guide to legalizing Burmese immigrants. Exactly what we prayed for.
• We had also been praying that someone would show up to help Emmi find a place to put Ning's ten year old brother. Emmi realized that she already had a meeting scheduled last weekend with a woman who runs a children's home outside of Chiang Mai. They met, and because he isn't legal yet, they can't take him, but the woman will be a great resource to help Emmi find a place for him to live once he is legal.
• Emmi grew up in a Christian orphanage in northern Thailand after her father murdered her mother. She was raised by a missionary couple, and they were like her parents. Growing up, she would hear about their friend named Eric. Last week Eric showed back up in Emmi's life. It turns out that he runs a home for people with HIV outside of Chiang Mai, and he is going to be helping advise Emmi on how to best care for Mae. Mae might also eventually be able to help out at the home. 
• When Emmi went to the immigration office the other day to register the cafe as a place where illegal people can work, she was informed that this year in Thailand the government has decided that the only time that illegal people can apply for legal status is between June 15-July 13. This entire process is happening for Mae and Ning right in the middle of that time. God's timing is perfect.
• Kayla, our Real Lifer, who is only with us for one month and could have been assigned to any World Race team anywhere, is passionate about ending human trafficking. She knows she is called to help buy girls out of sex slavery and establish safe houses where they can live. To accomplish this, she and a friend recently are starting their own non-profit organization, and will be raising money. They were looking for a reputable organization or ministry to support where they know that the money will be used to do the work they believe in. One of Emmi's greatest desires is to open a safe house in Chiang Mai, but she does not have the money for it yet. She mentioned this to us in the course of our conversations about the funding needed to free Mae and Ning. Kayla got excited and explained to her that she will meet with her co-founder when she gets back to the States, and they will try to start funding Lighthouse in Action so that there will be money waiting in a fund to buy girls out, pay their initial expenses and legal fees, and put them in a safe house. Kayla could have been sent anywhere in the world with her passions and resources, but she was sent with us to Emmi who needed her. 

These were just some of the cool things that happened this month to orchestrate all that God has done. We are so excited to have been blessed to be part of this story, and we ask for continued prayer and support for Emmi, Lighthouse in Action, and Mae and Ning and their families. Mae emailed me last night, and she is happily settled at Lighthouse beginning her Bible study. Ning still needs a lot of prayer, as her husband showing up on the scene is complicating things for her. They also both still need financial support. If you would like to partner with us to change their lives, please see my previous blog. Thank you SO MUCH for being part of this amazing story with your prayers and support! God uses all things to work together to accomplish his will, as we have learned this month.

"The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners."

Isaiah 61:1