Where I Belong.

"Your presence is all I am longing for here in the secret place.

Your nearness is all I am waiting for here in the quiet place,
here in the secret place.

My soul waits for you alone, like a watchman waits for dawn.

Here I finally found the place where we'll meet Lord face to face.

I finally found where I belong, in Your presence.

I finally found where I belong.. It's to be with You.

I am my Beloved's and He is mine, 
so come into Your garden and take delight in me.

Delight in me, take delight in me.

Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest.."

-Where I Belong by Matt Gilman & Cory Asbury

I've found it. The peace that I get. The warmth in my soul. The love in my heart. This is it. This is where I want to be. It freaks me out, but this is where I belong.

I'm not ready to be poor. I'm not ready to really let go of everything I've ever dreamed of. I'm not ready to really walk in faith. I'm not ready to give up "me". I'm not ready to be okay with being single if the Lord calls me to. I'm not ready to be uncomfortable. I'm not ready to let go of the American dream. I'm not ready for this life.. I'm scared, to be quite honest. Because day after day the Lord brings me closer and closer to Him, which is further and further from what has always been familiar to me.

But I belong with Him. I belong in His presence, whatever that looks like. And maybe it's in America.. but I will not be surprised if I end up in Asia long-term. He's where I belong, and I want to be where He will most be glorified through me. And if that means Chiang Mai, Thailand then so be it. I just want Him.

Lighthouse Ministries is everything I have ever prayed for and more. (You should definitely check it out.. www.lighthousethai.com) In the months leading to this summer, I just prayed and prayed that through this experience God would give me a glimpse of what He has in store for me in the future. Little did I know that He would throw me into a ministry that I completely agree with. Not only am I able to work with the women I am called to, but I get to work with children as well, which is beyond anything I ever imagined. I have fallen in love with these Thai people and they're a part of my heart now. God has given me His eyes to see how desperately they're searching for Him, and I can only hope to spend the rest of my life leading the lost back to the Father. That's all I want. I don't want money. I don't want a husband. I don't want a nice car, or a huge house, or any of that. I want to know Him and to make Him known. And I want to be in His presence every second of it.

"This is a choice between who I should be and who I am. I've always felt out of step, like literally stumbling through my life. I've never felt normal because I'm not normal; I don't want to be. I've had to face death, and loss, and pain in Your world but I've never felt stronger. I'm more real- more myself- because it's my world too. It's where I belong." 

-Bella Swan.

I belong in His world.


On a side note: In the bars at night I have met a girl, and for her safety we will call her Ning. She's only 19 years old-- already has a kid and is having to sell herself. She's only been working at this particular bar for a few months. She says she hates it but feels like she has to do this because of her family situation-- her parents don't have money. When I walk in the bar she spots me out; she comes quickly with a smile to hug me and invite me in. However, there is a wall there. We have such an awesome connection, but she doesn't speak much English.. And since she is from Burma, she doesn't speak much Thai either so our translator really isn't able to help. There's a language barrier, and it's frustrating. We are drawn to each other, but there's no way to communicate and it's hard. We just sit there and smile at one another, and I can only pray that she can and will feel the love of God shed through me. It's brought me to the place where I finally understand that I can't save people. My words are rubbish and can't save people without the power and presence of the Lord in them. So I am trusting and believing that I don't need words. I don't need communication because the love and the presence of God is bigger and doesn't have boundaries. Prayer is definitely needed for this situation, because I am fully 100% having to trust that God is bigger and He has a plan beyond my understanding. BUT, I am fully convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any created thing, nor language barriers, nor cultures, NOTHING will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39). He's bigger, and I am totally excited to see how He is going to be glorified through this.


Megga love.
-kf.