He is.

I’m in a weird season..

I don’t like this “season of waiting” I am in. I am excited for what is to come, I thank God for what has taken place, but why am I where I am in this moment? I don’t understand. I don’t know what my purpose is in the “now,” nor does any of it make sense. I don’t want to say my prayers are not being answers, but I am so exhausted waiting. Waiting: I feel like that is the epitome of my life currently.

However, the Lord reminded me: Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” All of this is unfamiliar, but He’s God. I don’t know what the next step is, but He is God. This hurts, and I am exhausted, but He is God. I don’t like this, but He is God. I’m drained, but He is God. I don’t know what’s going on, but He is. “He is” (esit) in the Bible literally translates into “we cannot.”

I can’t, but He is. In my quiet time the other day I just got to this moment where I was cradle in the arms of God, and I don’t want to move. I am just still and He is God.

I don’t like this season. It’s uncomfortable, it’s not fair, and it doesn’t make sense. But He’s God. And I know that He’s good.

However, because He is, I can. I can have hope because He is God. I can walk in joy because He is God. I can have faith because He is. He is. He is bigger. He is better. He is just. He is merciful. And He is jealous for me. 

I can be, solely because He is God. I can find rest because He is.

“Consider it pure joy when you fall into various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

But let patience have its perfect work, where you may be

perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

-James 1:2-4.

-kf.

Shalom.

“I want to take Your word and shine it all

around; first, help me just to live it, Lord. And

when I’m doing well help me to never seek

a crown; for my reward is giving glory to You.”

By the grace of God, I am going overseas to work for Him this summer. The Lord is sending me to Thailand to love on victims of human trafficking, and I am completely excited to see what the Lord is going to do through our team in Asia. The trip is $4000, which doesn’t include flights to and from GA, or vaccines, or anything. So, needless to say, the trip is quite a large chunk of change, but the Lord has been so faithful it is ridiculous. He has provided, and provided, and just when I think the support is coming to an end, He gives another gift. It’s just incredible. I really am in a weird season of my life financially. I have applied for job after job, yet I haven’t gotten any of them. And the Lord keeps putting more burdens on me to give here, and donate there, and I’m just honestly dry. But it has never failed that when I have given, if He doesn’t provide the exact amount back (which has totally freaked me out), He DOUBLES, or TRIPLES the amount! The Lord is faithful. And I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learned through this season is that if you want to see what God has in His hand, you have to let go of what’s in yours. Not just financially, but life in general. The Lord’s will sure doesn’t what I had in mind for myself, but it is the most beautiful thing, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. To have my heart molded more into the image of His flat out hurts, but it is most rewarding. The Lord is faithful.

Breakaway Ministries is a huge Bible study-like organization open to anyone in the College Station area, and it takes place on Texas A&M University’s campus. Every Tuesday night an enormous amount of Aggies (somewhere around 5,000 but I could be off a little) come together and just worship and learn about the Lord, and it is so beautiful. Breakaway’s Shalom Project this year is buying children out of slavery, and I have to say I am so honored to be a part of this ministry. The initial goal was to raise $27,300: buy 30 children in Haiti out of slavery for a year for $360 each, and buy 5 girls out of slavery in India for a lifetime at $3,300 each. That is a LOT of money.. especially to be raised by a group of college students. This is week 3 of the Shalom Project here in Aggieland, and Breakaway Ministries has raised 69,000+, and God’s not done yet. When I heard the update, I sat in my chair amazed with tears coming to my eyes. The Lord is faithful.

Blown away, I am incredibly humbled by the Lord’s grace for freedom right now. I really believe that the Lord’s heart is beating for the captives to be set free, and I am so blessed to be striving for the same. The Lord is so faithful..

-kf.

“I’m walking through the bright white gates

Breathing in and out Your grace.

All around me melodies rise,

That echo with the joy inside

So I start to sing..

But I can’t sing loud enough

When I’m singing for You my God.

With a thunder roll and a bright light

Your glory boasts and the heavens shine.

The saints and angels stand in awe,

Captured by the beauty of it all.

So I fall to my knees..

But I can’t bow low enough

At the vision of You my God.

I can’t hold it all inside..

I‘m reaching for the One who

Brought me out of death to life.

But I can’t lift my hands high enough

When I’m reaching for You my God.”

-Cielo by Phil Wickham

Cradled by Grace.

Months ago the Lord spoke His grace over me, and He 

reminded me of His encouragement this morning..

In the midst of my fall, the Lord whispered in my ear..

            “You have to realize that when you fall down I am there

             and I pick you up and carry you. But, when I carry you,

             we together are still moving forward. When you are strong

             enough to stand, not only did I never leave you, but you

             are not in the same place you were when you fell, and I

             designed it that way. So when you mess up, you don’t have

             to start over. When you’re ready to stand you don’t even

             have to start where you left off because I carried you and

             we kept going. Know that when you do stand, not only are

             you not in the same place that you fell, but you got further

             when I carried you than if you would have walked on

             your own..”

The Lord is so good. I love knowing that no matter what I face, His grace is sufficient for me. Even in my weakness, the God of the universe is FOR ME, and cradles me in His arms..

-kf.

The Determination To Serve

“The Son of Man did not come to be served,

but to serve..” –Matthew 20:28

Jesus also said, “Yet I am among you as the One who serves” (Luke 22:27). Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s – “… ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Corinthians 4:5). We somehow have the idea that a person called to ministry is called to be different and above other people. But according to Christ, he is called to be a “doormat” for others—called to be their spiritual leader, but never their superior. Paul said, “I know how to be abased…” (Philippians 4:12). Paul’s idea of service was to pour his life out to the last drop for others. And whether he received praise or blame made no difference. As long as there was one human being who did not know Jesus, Paul felt a debt of service to that person until he did come to know Him. But the chief motivation behind Paul’s service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will quickly be defeated and brokenhearted, since we will often be confronted with a great deal of infratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingraditude will be able to hinder us from serving one another.

Paul’s understanding of how Christ had dealt with him is the secret behind his determination to serve others. “I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man…” (1 Timothy 1:13). In other words, no matter how badly others may have treated Paul, they could never have treated him with the same degree of spite and hatred with which he had treated Jesus Christ. Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust out determination to serve others for His sake.

- My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers

Hands.

Psalm 143

"Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;
in Your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.
Do not bring Your servant into judgment,
fo no one living is righteous before You.
The enemy pursues me, he crushed me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all Your works and
consider what Your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to You;
I thirst for You like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those
who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in You.
Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God;
may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
For Your Name's sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In Your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes, for I am Your servant."


Man this is good. This is something that I have been meditating on and finding rest in; it truly is beautiful. It describes life. Period. The enemies of life, the trials. The long days, and His unfailing love. But I love that through the hardship and in the midst of plain ole hell on Earth, David ends by saying, "Lord I'm Your servant." I trust you God.. Your love never fails.. preserve my life.. I am Your servant.

I want to serve. That is one of my main goals this year-- to become an image of Christ through servanthood. I want to lay my life out for those around me, but I want it to just be an instinct. I don't want to have to think about it; I want to come to the point where I serve without even meaning to. I want to be a servant of the Lord.

"I meditate on all Your works and consider what Your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to You; I thirst for You like a parched land."

Take these hands of mine and make them clean. God, no matter where I am, what I'm going through, or who I'm with. Use my hands to bring Your glory.

-kf